I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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