Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
