Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
