you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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