what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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