I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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