you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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