My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
