Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
