Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
