Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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