your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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