So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
