that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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