is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
