video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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