I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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