im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
