I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
