where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
