i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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