Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
