butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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