I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
