I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
