my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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