i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
