Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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