I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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