Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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