I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
