How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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