Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
