i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
