Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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