Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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