Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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