I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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