I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
