before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
