Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
