we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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