My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
