Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
