I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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