so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
