my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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