She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Im part way to drunk.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
