He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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