So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Found the puke drawer
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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