My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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