Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
