then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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