im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
