She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
