I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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