when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
