dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
