you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
