and she was petting her beer can
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
