Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
