No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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