I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
