I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i now understand why vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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