I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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