he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
